32 Vintage Ads With Disturbingly Creepy Kids and Products

Scary, Demented Children and the Unbelievably Bad Products Aimed At Them

The Creepiest Kids Advertisements Ever

 

From the 1950’s – Gas …the magic of INSTANT Boiled Baby!

Vintage Gas - The Magic of Instant Hot Water ad with what appears to be a scalded, boiling baby

 

What I really think she needs is to get her soul back.

Creepy Vintage Trix cereal ad with disturbed girl.

 

Two wieners, Billy? Oh, you naughty boy! This classic is from the 1940’s and delivers one of my favorites lines ever… wieners are always straight- never curved.

Creepy Vintage ad for skinless frankfurters - How come your mom lets you eat two winers?

 

No one has ever armed an entire family so easily, with so much value than the 1950’s Sears Christmas Catalogues.

Creepy Vintage Sears Catalogue from the 1950s. A family at Christmas all with guns

 

Any way you figure it… that boy digs their ass.

Creepy Vintage: Sea B's Designer Swimwear. Boy dressed a bee staring at the asses of two models in swim suits

 

Circa 1910… Alcoholism. Beneficial to Young and Old! Cultivate the Rainier Beer Habit today. Oh, why you’re at it, throw in a little crack, too.

Creepy Vintage Rainier Beer ad. Cultivate the habit.

 

Eating out what?

Vintage Ads: Creepy Kid for Swift. Eat Out Gives a Lift

 

Wash the Black right off ya with Pearls’!

Creepy Vintage Racists Pears' Soap Ad _ Trung a black boy white

 

Gee, old man… Been beating the shit out of your wife and kids again? Whoa, Nelly! Maybe you should try caffeine-free Sank. Ray Rice has.

Creepy Vintage Sanka Ad - Old Man Hitting Coffee again? Dad has been spanking and Beating the kids because of the caffeine

 

Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup was developed in 1845 and sold millions of bottles a year at 25 cents a pop. Its two primary ingredients were morphine and alcohol so it’s not surprising it relieved pain and were a mom’s BFF. It also caused a great many infant deaths from accidental overdoses. “Mrs. Winslow’s” was denounced by the American Medical Association in 1911 but continued to sell as late as 1930.

Creepy Vintage Mrs Winslow Soothing Syrup Ad with morphine and alcohol

 

From 1950, Motorola Television, the best babysitter on the planet.

Vintage Motorola ad from 1950. Television Benefits Your Children

 

Blatz Beer circa 1917: “A case of good beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby partakes in the benefits” Yes, every child need encouragement to drink from an early age.

Creepy Vintage Blatz Beer ad - How Mother and Baby "Picked Up"

 

For the Junior Terrorist in Training, there’s nothing like the real thing, baby.

Vintage Ad for Mattel's M-16 Machine Gun

 

A prepubescent Brook Shields for Love’s Baby Soft fragrance. Was the word pedophilia in the American vocabulary in the 1970s?

Brooke Shields for Love's Baby Soft Perfume. Can you say creepy and sexists?

 

In the 1950s, you could suffocate so many good things in Du Pont Cellophane.

Creepy Vintage Cellophane AD from Dupont featuring three babies wrapped in Cellophane for suffocation

 

Scary girls eat Kellogg’s Toasted Corn Flakes.

Creepy Vintage Kellogg's Corn Flakes Ad with Scary Girls Creepy Vintage Kellogg's Corn Flakes Ad with Scary Girls

 

They’re also so great for kids with third-degree facial burns.

Creepy Vintage Kellogg's Toasted Corn Flakes ad with boy that looks like he has third degree burns.

 

C’mon, y’all! Dive deep into Baby Chippendale’s glistening Peanut Butter Pie! Mmm… delish!

Creepy Vintage Karo Syrup ad with naked baby - Deep South Peanut Pie Recipe.

 

The Joy of Satan.

Vintage Stokey's Ketchup ad with creepy red faced boy

 

Well, if Papa says it won’t hurt us, then by all means! Pack heat, kids!

Vintage Iver Johnson Revolvers ad featuring a young girl in bed with a gun. Completely safe.

 

Go home, baby. You’re drunk.

Vintage Hires Root Beer ad with drunk baby

 

Sure, he’s a creepy ginger, but what I wanna know is why are there strange-looking hot dogs just sitting there on the tablecloth?

Vintage Franco American Spaghetti ad with creepy ginger boy

 

Happy Father’s Day, Dad! Smoke up!

Vintage Old Gold Cigarettes Ad. Happy Father's Day Dad! Creepy.

 

The Dutch Boy’s Lead Party coloring book from 1923.

Looks more like The Dutch Boy’s Acid Party.

The Dutch Boy's Lead Party Paint Book ~ Bad Vintage Products & Ads

 

Now boarding from the rear first.

Delta Airlines from the ground up featuring two young girls showing off their bottoms

 

Cocaine Toothache Drops from 1885. A great bargain for 15 cents a hit. Problem is, you can’t stop sucking them!

cocaine-tooth-drops-Vintage-creepy-kids-ads

 

Yes, you can never start your addiction too early. Besides, as the ad copy states, “…babies that start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and “fitting in” during that awkward pre-teen or teen years”  SO do your child a favor and get them hooked now on Coke!

coca-cola-better-start-life-baby-Vintage-creepy-kids-ads

 

Chubbies from Lane Bryant. My, that’ll do wonders for a young girls self-esteem.

chubbies-lane-bryant-Vintage-creepy-kids-ads

 

From 1938– It’s Gingervating, Baby!

call-him-gingervating-canada-dry-Vintage-creepy-kids-ads

 

Phillip Morris Cigarettes. What proud, gentle mothers smoked in 1958.

born-gentle-phillip-morris-cigarettes-Vintage-creepy-kids-ads-1956

 

Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral circa the 1870s. They claimed that its effects were magical. Most likely because it contained a child’s favorite ingredient… Opium!

Ayer's Pectoral Syrup – Vintage Creepy, Disturbing Ads Aimed at Kids

 

Beans, Mother Fucker. Beans.

The Creepy Kid of Van Camp's Pork and Beans ~ Vintage Advertising for Kids

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