31 Ridiculously Crazy Baby Products for ImPerfect Parenting

Funny Nutty Baby Products for Parents Who Need Everything

Oh, our babies. The cute, adorable bundles of joy that make us beam as proud parents. Is there nothing we’d do for them? That’s why we spoil them rotten. But there is a difference between love and crazy. And as these wacky, insane baby products obviously being bought by some parental units prove, there is a tipping point between caring mom and dad and just plum nuts.

But, hey, if you’re looking to buy the best of the stuff you’re going to store away in the junk closet, this is is the place to start.

 

1. The iPotty

iPotty ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Aw, poop, with all the crap on Twitter and Facebook these days, why the hell not? It’s never too early to start trolling. I just want to know… does it come in an adult size?

 

2. Bottle Holder

Baby Bottle Holder ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

When you’re sick and tired of caring for your infant, just twist some hangers together. And then for all those times when you’re get sick and tired of holding your beer… Voila!

 

3. Snail Vacuum Cleaner

Snail Vacuum Scooter ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

What combines the independence of riding free with the wind in your hair with the joy of house cleaning? Giddy up, Hoover!

 

4. The Baby/Hamster Formula Dispenser

Crib Dribble Hamster Bottle ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Why waste all that time to snuggle up to your precious mother’s bosom? After all, you’ve got a giant wheel to run on!

 

5. The Onsie Dust Mop

Onsie Mop ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Why waste all your hard-earned money on a Roomba? You’ve got a baby!

 

6. “It’s a Boy!” Card

Baby Announcement It's a Boy insert finger for penis ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

He wishes.

 

7. The Zaky Hand Pillow

Zaky Hand Pillow ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Because nothing comforts a child more than a disembodied arm.

 

8. The Baby Toupee

baby troupe ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

For parents who wished their baby looked like Donald Trump.

 

9. The Poop Alarm

Poop alarm ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

By sensing changes in humidity and temperature, this device aims to alert you to when your baby needs a changing. Personally, I’ve never had too much trouble telling when a kid has power-washed his diaper.

 

10. The Grillz Pacifier

Grillz Pacifier ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

That’s soooooo 2002.

 

11. The Bucktoothed Redneck Pacifier

Redneck Buckteeth Pacifier ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

For those times when you want to lower the look of your baby’s IQ.

 

12. The Fisher-Price Apptivity Center

Fisher Price Apptivity Center for iPhone ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Yes, nothing builds your baby’s cognitive skills quite like organizing your contacts folder.

 

13. The Tummy Tub

Tummy Tub Bath ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

The Tummy Tub is a bucket that costs $45 and supposedly replicates the feeling of being in the womb. Shoot, and to think I’ve been using a 5-gallon pickle bucket all these years. Silly me.

 

14. The Thudguard

Thud guard baby helmet ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

How as a civilization did we ever make it to the twenty-first century without the Thudguard?

 

15. The Windi

The Wind for colic ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Really? How can plastic insertable butt plugs be the natural solution?

 

16. The Snotsucker

Snotsucker ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

The big question I have with this is… should “Snotsucker” be one word?

 

17. The Baby Flower Shower Visor
Baby Shower Cap ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

So how do you wash and rinse the area under the cap?

 

18. The Daddle

The Daddle Saddle for Riding Dad ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Hell, my kids are teenagers and they’re still riding me hard every day.

 

19. The Peekaru
Peekaru Snuggly ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

For the Alien lover inside of you.

 

20. The Pee-Pee Teepee

Pe Pee Tee Pee ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Supposedly you are to use these to cover up your boy’s junk during diaper changes to stop any accidents. But that takes all the fun out of it.

 

21. The Kickbee
Kickbee Baby Kick analyses that sends a Tweet when baby kicks ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

This motion-sensing belt sends a Tweet on behalf of your baby every time a kick is detected. What the hell would a fetus have to Tweet about? “It’s hot in here and the food sucks!” Or maybe, “”I ain’t even born yet and I already think Justin Bieber is a douchebag”. #stupid

 

22. The Baby Lasso

Leg Lasso ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

50 Shades of Pink.

 

23. The Gotta Go Mitts
Gotta Go Mitts ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Teach her to clean the damn thing while she’s at it.

 

24. The Placenta Brooch

Placenta Brooch Pin ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

For those who wear they placenta on their sleeve.

 

25. J&D’s Bacon Flavored Baby Formula

Bacon Flavored Baby Formula ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Because it’s never too early to hop on board the obesity train.

 

26. The WhyCry Mini Crying Analyzer

Crying Analyzer ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Think of it as an annoying game of Simon with infants.

 

27. The Crumb Cap

Crumb Cap to keep food out of baby's hair ~Crazy Stupid Baby ProductsIt also doubles as a scuba suit.

 

28. Baby Crawler Knee Pads
Baby Knee Pads for Crawling ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Works great with the Thudguard and a full-body bubble wrap.

 

29. The Original Breeze Baby Butt Fan

Baby Butt Fan to Prevent Diaper Rash ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Hell, I usually just hook-up the garden hose.

 

30. Heelarious Baby Heels

Hilarious High Heels for Babies ~Crazy Stupid Baby Products

Oh, hell no!

 

31. Baby Bangs
Baby Bangs Hair Clips ~Crazy Stupid Baby ProductsThey’re bangs, dammit. ’nuff said.

Source: Distractify

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