Rocky Mountain Oysters Recipe

Looking for a way to spice up your next NASCAR tailgate or Super Bowl Party? Why not a heapin’ helpin’ of Rocky Mountain Oysters!

Also known as Prairie Oysters, Lug Nuts, Montana Tendergroins, Swinging Beef, Chew Chew Pees, Fried Flint Stones, Moo Marbles, Dinner Danglers, Juicy Jewels, Cowboy Caviar, and Kyle Busch’s Ball Bearings— they’re actually dang good, especially if yer guests don’t know what they’re eatin’!

Now gnawin’ on animal genitalia in many parts of the world ain’t only considered a delicacy, but an aphrodisiac, too. And if you got the balls to eat’em, I ain’t gonna guarantee that yer gonna get some tonight!

Servings: More than a mouthful!
Prep time: 2 hrs (of course a while longer if ya prefer to hand harvest them balls from the bull yourself).

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds calf testicles* (ya can also use lamb, sheep, or turkey balls, or those from your number one nemesis)
• A few cups of beer (preferably a nut brown ale but any beer will do)
• 2 eggs, beaten or kicked
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• Half cup yellow cornmeal
• Couple cups of milk
• Garlic powder, salt, and ground black pepper to taste
• I occasionally will toss in a healthy dash of smoked paprika or even Old Bay
• Bottled hot sauce (if fried in fat)
• Vegetable oil or fat for frying

*Ya can get yer raw Rocky Mountain Oysters at most butchers. Be sure to ask for calf testicles, not bull balls. Calf testicles are the size of a walnut (no pun intended) and are much more tender. The last thing you want is tough, chew balls.

Preparation: 

Shuckin’ the Oyster: With a good, sharp knife, split open and remove the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each “oyster”. (The skin will come off much easier if balls are frozen, and you peel’em while they’re thawin’). If the thought of it all makes ya a bit squeamish, just pretend yer peelin’ a grape, a very large grape, (ladies, ya can’t always think about your “Ex” while peelin’. That can really help speed up the process).

After the balls are skinned, slice each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals and place’em in a large pan or bowl with enough beer to cover them; then cover the bowl and leave yer balls alone for about 2 hours.

Directions:

1.  In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, garlic powder, salt, and pepper.

2. Take your balls outta yer beer and drain.

3. Roll each ball slice into flour mixture.

4.  Dip into milk.

5.  Roll again into flour mixture.  (repeat procedure for a crustier ball).

6. In a large, deep pot, heat oil or fat seasoned with bottled hot sauce) to 375 degrees F.

7. Deep fry yer balls 3 minutes or until golden brown (They’ll rise to the surface when done).

8. Drain on paper towels.

Serve with a fine cocktail sauce (pun intended) and have a ball!

Trust me! They’re gooood!